Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Dear Hot Stuff

"The love-bite, it is the beginning. You will be irresistible."

Dear Hot Stuff,

Wow. I've always thought you were something, but now that you and your girlfriend have broken up I think I can finally say it- You. Are so. Hot. We like all the same things, and let's face it- we look perfect standing next to one another. And did I mention that you're hot? And now you've gone into full-on flirt mode since the breakup and I just can't stay away. I find you completely irresistible. Why do I have to be leaving to study abroad now? The definition of bad timing- seriously. At least we have the whole summer to spend together. Like you said, "Neither of us have ties now, so watch out when we meet- you never know what could happen..."

Still completely taken away, 

Monday, January 10, 2011

Let It Out Monday

From the mind of Hassan at Palabras de la Tortuga...

If you read this please read ALL of this!!!


I don't tell you what I'm feeling to make you feel my pain. I tell you because unlike you I'm not afraid to speak to you and tell you what's on my mind. It fucks with me how the very sight of you can fuck with my mind. You shouldn't matter to me anymore. I shouldn't give a fuck about you or anything that you are doing. I think about you and every time I do it makes me feel weak. The thought of you makes me pause in silence. I can't believe this bullshit. I'm mad at myself for giving a shit about someone who made there feelings clear. I mean you didn't really. After everything between us all i got was "I don't think about it."

Guess it's that easy, I'm that easily put out of peoples minds. You included...

I tell you that I miss you because I deeply and truly fucking miss you.

I have a list of other problems that need attention. I feel like all I'm doing in life is making my way through it. No true direction. I should be doing and focusing on that but I can't cuz I'm too busy thinking of someone who isn't thinking of me. I know my problem not yours...

I know that if I don't focus on my dreams no one will. I feel like I tell people whatever sounds good. Just to make them not worry.

I'd be lying to myself if I said I'm not hurting. I'd be lyin if I said that I don't miss feeling like my life was somewhat normal. I'd be lying if the following thoughts never crossed my mind:

I wish I never gave you my number. I wish I never wanted to hang out with you. I wish I never went to the westin with you. I wish I never took that picture of you that day. I wish I never saw pineapple express. I wish I never took you out on a date that Saturday night. I wish I never took that chance to be with even after your warning. I wish I never decided to to try and be with you. I wish I never fell so deep in love with someone I can never have. I wish I never introduced you to my family. I wish I never introduced you to my friends. I wish I never included you in my life. I wish I never tried so fucking hard to be apart of your life. I wish I never wanted to be apart of your life. I wish I never made love to you. I wish I never made you smile. I wish I never touched your face. I wish I never touched you. I wish I never knew you. I wish I never went to AIU and met you in the first place. I wish I never did any of the things I did for you. I wish I never played the music you liked in my car. I wish I never bought you that locket. I wish I never bought you Asher the day I picked you up from the hospital. I wish we never wrote in that damn book! I wish I never danced with you. I wish we never made memories together. I wish I never created 34-29. I wish I never held you as you threw up from drinking too much on Julianne's bathroom floor. I wish I never let you teach me Spanish. I wish I never fucking met you!

Yes I said it! You treat me like just another stranger! I don't care how much you hurt, I hurt too damnit. I dont care if it hurts you to look me in the eyes. I don't care if you feel guilty everytime you look at me. I don't care if you think it's your fault I hurt. I don't care if you felt like you could have prevented it! You didn't because you wanted it too. You wanted this to last too! Right? Then why?! Why can't you go after what you fucking want and attain it? You always said if you want it you go get it, you don't wait around for someone to give it to you. Well I've been here, and not once have I seen you try to make contact with me. So this leads me to believe you don't want me, and for what it's worth you didn't really want me. That maybe you jut wanted attention from a guy becuase your then boyfriend was across the country and never made an attempt to actually be with you. Yes i fucking said it!

Yes I'll admit that you probably did love me, or atleast were infatuated with me but you weren't ever in love. No I think not. I will admit you not falling was my fault. I have problems like everyone else, but not so far as to make another believe that I love them when I don't.

I just want to fucking forget about that whole situation. I wish I could just magically not think about it. I wish I really could, but every fucking night I look at my phone and sometimes I forget why I'm looking at my phone but I always remember the feeling that should have been there. I don't hate you, you don't deserve that much respect in my heart. No what I feel for you is pity.

Yes pity! Not disappointment, malice, anger, sadness, or even rejection. No just pity, I'm a man with his share of problems, shit I'm seeing a gotdamn psychiatrist. My home is broken, I barely get by financially, my grades aren't that great, I still live at home, I'm single and miserable, and to top it all off I'm still stuck on my ex girl friend ;).

So yes I pity you...but at the same time I miss the hell out of you...and all I ask for is a phone call, a text message, fb chat, something...if your heart has guilt why don't you try to make a mends through loose friendship...you don't want friendship perhaps? No I think you just don't have the guts to face me and own up to your mistake...yeah your mistake, and when I say mistake I mean me...your mistake is me, I should have never happened...

I'm sorry to have been such a blemish to your honor, past and memory...and there is no sarcasm behind these words...just frustration, not with you but with myself for not realizing this sooner...

Hearts don't break evenly...


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Dear Brother

"It was nice growing up with someone like you- someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on!"

Dear Brother,

You are the quintessential younger brother. You wake me up in the morning by pouring cold water on my face. You hide the remote control so I can't change the channel on TV. You steal my phone and text guys things like "Thinking about you" and "I want you so bad". You eat all the popcorn in the bowl before I can get any. You slip ice down the back of my shirt when I'm not looking, and take embarrassing pictures of me while I'm sleeping and post them on the internet.

You also look to me for advice. Call me up when you're nervous about something. Confide in me. Text me things like "Miss you already" an hour after you drop me off at school. Accompany me on anything from shopping trips to road trips to "prank the neighbors" trips. Record my favorite show when you know I won't be home. Defend me when people talk bad about me behind my back, and are content with staying at home with me watching movie marathons for the entire day.

I could say you're my best friend, but you're more than that- you're my brother. And that will always be forever.

Love you,

To My Little Sister's Boyfriend

"When do you stop being a kid and start becoming an adult?"

To My Little Sister's Boyfriend,

Ew. Please stop touching her. In my mind the farthest you two have gotten is holding hands- if I see you kiss I might throw up. No, I don't care if you're sixteen years old. She's the baby of the family, she has no business acting all grown up. Now you have your arm around her in front of our DAD? Have you lost your mind?! Great, you made him leave the room, nice going. Think I'm going to leave too, now I just feel like I'm intruding... please leave soon so I can be in my own house again without feeling completely nauseated.

... seriously though.
Faith, The Older Sister. 

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dear Baggy Sweatpants

"Wouldn't life be perfect if sweatpants were sexy?"

Dear Baggy Sweatpants,

You're awesome. Possibly my favorite type of attire ever, if you don't count boyfriend hoodies. Sadly, though, I recently found out that it is not very acceptable to wear you in Spain. As you know, I will be spending the next five months of my life there, so this poses a serious problem. What will I do without you? You're not confining, like jeans. You always fit me just right. I mean, no one's ever worried about not fitting into their "high school sweatpants", right? God knows you're the only one I want around when I'm sick. When I'm having a bad day, I snuggle up with you on my couch and watch TV. And every night, I fall asleep with you. We have bonded far too much to be separated for this amount of time. Please write.

Miss you already,

Thursday, January 6, 2011

To The Airport

"There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again."

To The Airport,

You know, I was going to write a letter, complaining about my most recent visit to you. Complaining about how I had booked a connecting flight, but you canceled the second half of it, leaving me stranded on the other side of the country. Complaining about how I had to spend an hour and a half on hold just to rebook it. About how I waited another four hours just to check-in for that new flight, and about how when I went to go check-in, I found out you had booked me for one a full day later than I had asked. And then, to top it all off, I had to rebook again to a different airport, where my car was not, rent a car and drive three hours to go get it, just to drive another two hours home. Basically, to complain about how all I wanted to do was go home, but I was stuck with you, because of your incompetence. But now I am home, and I guess I just really don't care how long it took me to get here. It feels good to be back, thank you for making it possible.

Faith Carter