Friday, December 24, 2010

To My Cousin

"Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house."

To My Cousin,
So, your new boyfriend is coming for Christmas Eve this year. Excited to meet him, I’ve already heard so much. Successful surgeon, right? That probably makes him a lot of money- yah, he’ll fit in fine with this family. Do you really like him, or are you just dating him because he’s successful? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I feel so much pressure to date someone that will be accepted by everyone, especially our family. But it’s hard. Everyone I’ve liked, I know they won’t make a lot of money in the future. They’re all education majors, like me, or don’t go to a very good school. And here we are- private jets, tropical vacations, $125/plate at some fancy-schmancy restaurant. I don’t need that stuff, but I need my family. Plus I guess I’m used to a certain lifestyle by now. How will a gym teacher provide for me? Our family would probably just look down on him. I know that sounds shallow, but you know where I’m coming from. As much as I know how love is the most important thing in marriage and relationships, I just know that someone like that would not fit in with our family. And I don’t know if I’m ready for a decreased standard of living. Ohmigosh I sound so spoiled right now. But that’s just how it is with our family. The girls major in something like nursing or education, and marry someone successful. And all the boys are expected to be doctors or lawyers or working on Wall Street. That’s just the way it is. But how can I ever expect to date somebody if I won’t even give them a chance if I know they’re not going to be successful? I feel like such a brat… I just really, really don’t know what to do.

See you later today,


  1. Pray to God to lead you to the right person. Take your family in consideration but don't judge your boyfriend by their standards because they won't be the ones to live with him forever. I promise you'll regret it if you don't follow your heart. I'm an English major too but my plans are not to teach, I want to be a full time writer. So I guess if I met your parents they'll tell me to get a real job and for you to get a serious boyfriend lol

  2. This pressure's always there. When you're dating a guy, it always lingers in your head, whether your parents are going to accept it. sigh! But don't judge a guy by his way of living, that dosen't mean you step into something that could never work, either.

  3. Its good that ur accepting that ur used to a certain lifestyle. I have heard from so much gals that it doesn't matter if their partners are poorer, they are in love blah blah. They will adjust but they dont which leads to a big break up later on.
    Ur family is ur family. They want the best for u bt ur the one whose gonna b living with that person so think abt tht too.
    I am probably not making sense... but wanted to put it out there :)

  4. My boyf makes very little but he treats me better than I've ever been treated before. At first, my mom was reluctant because he's different around people he doesn't know. But once they got to know each other, they grew on each other.

    I'm glad she likes him now, but even if she didn't it wouldn't matter. My standards are the only ones that do. If you let your family dictate who you date, you're only going to come to resent him, or them, or both.

  5. It's almost scary how similar this letter is to something that's been rewinding and playin' in my head...but I don't blame you, it's not about being a brat. It's about where you come from and those facts which you just can't forget.

  6. "Hey there Delilah
    I know times are getting hard
    But just believe me, girl
    Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
    We'll have it good
    We'll have the life we knew we would
    My word is good"

    If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.

    If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody.

    If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.

    Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.

    It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

    Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

    Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear.

    Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little!

    But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.

    It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

    Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.

    There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13 (NLT)

    Place your eyes on what is eternal by stepping out on, Faith...